In today marriage discussion we are going to continue in the marriage seminar headed by Pastor Daniel Oyanna days ago in which I was opportune to witness and I believe you going to gain one or two points and impact them into you marital engagement because marriage is not for babies.
THE LIST PART OF TEACHING
- Developing A Godly Relationship — Part 1.
DEVELOPING AND SUSTAINING A ROMANTIC GODLY MARITAL RELATIONSHIP
There are multiple reasons why we want to “develop” a romantic relationship with one precious sister or brother we’ve been eyeing like that. We can’t possibly deal with all but I’ll just tap on a few common ones.
This is probably one of the first things that seeks to be gratified by romantic relationships. Growing up as babies, our gender didn’t matter to us as we played but all of a sudden, puberty hits us and strange things began to happen in our bodies as well as our minds and it began to draw us towards the opposite gender.
This time, not in the pristine manner of infancy but rather in a forceful distracting way. For us guys, we can’t stop thinking about that particular girl. She shows up in your dreams and you don’t want to wake up but yet when you meet her in school the next day, you become a stammerer and it drives you crazy.
And girls are known to have crushes upon crushes some of which don’t add up sometimes. You see a guy on TV who is clearly happily married and you still can’t help having a crush on him.
But, hey! No matter how it is for anyone of us, feelings are just that – feelings. Feelings are not the real thing. How we feel about something does not represent the truth about it but rather merely paints a picture from our point of view based on our desires.
Take for example, if there was a ghastly motor accident and some folks died while others survived, what emotions truly represent the reality of the accident? Is it the sorrow of the families of the ones who perished in the crash or the joy of the ones who escaped with their lives?
The feelings would be very intense initially but how long will the feelings last in comparison with the accident? Those who died in the wreck will remain dead but after a while, their family members would move on with their lives. In fact, the community around them would encourage them to move on and would help them move on.
When the heat of the emotion fades, does it reduce the reality of the impact of that accident on the lives of those left behind? Obviously not. And on the flip side, even those who survived and were initially totally happy … give them a week; they would soon find something to be sad about.
READ ALSO: The Reason Why He Is Not Going To Be Your Husband.
My point is this: being pulled into a romantic relationship with someone based on just how we feel is a mistake. But this is exactly what many of us do at first, we focus on how we feel about and around the person and we package ourselves along that line.
This is the second major influence on our lives and it has far more impact on our choices than we like to admit or even realize. Even if you are an only child, you grew up with the influence of peer pressure.
There was always a combination of the pressure from our peers and that of our parents and even though we might not have known it, a lot of things we did and sought were influenced by what the people around us valued and did.
Grades in schools … Our parents wanted us in “the best” schools … even the legal system is based on determining who is guilty and who is innocent by “a jury of peers” If you bought a car today and you were feeling really cool about it, quite likely if you saw a more recent model of the same car tomorrow morning, without anything wrong with your “new” car, your celebration would be stifled significantly.
All these are a based on comparison with people we feel are our peers. I’m sure you get the picture. We had playmates, classmates, course mates and, in Nigeria, when we get to youth service we have batches. Even when we get a job, we have colleagues. The point is, we are never alone.
This feeling … this sense of belonging … has become a necessity to humanity that almost competes with our need for oxygen and drives our sense of fulfillment to such an extent that we make choices to do stuff just to belong.
One of such choices is the decision to get involved romantically with someone. Just because all our guys are getting babes, we seek to get one too so we won’t be considered inferior slackers.
Birds of the same feathers flock together, don’t they? Yes. But we forget, we are not the same. Each one of us is a product of divinely designed destiny and thus uniquely packaged for the task for which we were born and to which we were appointed and we often realize much later in life, after chasing the shadows of the other birds in the flock, that we will never be satisfied pecking at their shadows.
READ ALSO: How To Know God’s Perfect Will Husband For A Sister In Marriage.
In as much as your life and purpose is unique, so also are the subconscious parameters of fulfillment. Too many brothers in Christ have had to break relationships because they realized later that they got hooked for many wrong reasons, one of which was to be seen as “keeping up with the Joneses”.
Sadly, our move to correct that mistake always results in the damage of the heart of one precious daughter of the kingdom. If not that God heals broken hearts, many of us would be guilty of inciting murders and suicides.
From the moment we are born, we are practically racing against the clock. It cannot be denied that the older we get, the more keenly aware we become of the fact that we won’t live forever … in this world anyway.
In fact, one of the popular prayers in the Bible is for God to teach us to number our days so we may apply our hearts to wisdom. (Psalm 90:12). Another verse says there is a time for everything under the sun. (Ecclesiastes 3: 1). Put together, these verse of scripture show us that we should move quickly and wisely.
But, you know what we mostly do?
We allow ourselves to come under pressure of time and we hurry. I’m sure you’ve noticed that when you hurry, you tend to make mistakes. You can always tell when a woman rushed out of her house, especially if you know her from before – she does not look her best.
And usually, when you write in a hurry, your handwriting is not as good and you may have to cancel some things because of errors. Time is an observer and accountant. It merely takes note of what has transpired and what will but it does not determine what is to be.
That responsibility is for beings with a will and that includes you and God. Stop allowing yourself to be pressured into any action because you think it is time or because you think you are running out of time. Desperation is not good for anyone at any age. Even if you were to marry the right person, because of desperation, it becomes a wrong relationship.
- 4. Visions and Revelations.
I love this one!
We are Christians and so we love to say “God told me that’s my wife … I heard the voice from heaven clearly … I saw you in my dream or vision … three prophets I didn’t know before just walked up to me and told me you are my life partner”.
We love stuff like that! Once anybody says that about their relationships, we start nodding our spiritual heads and looking at the person with a brand new perspective.
Well, I am all for that and I personally did have God’s involvement in choosing my own wife. I am one of those persons who strongly believe that you can and should talk to God about everything. I heard a story once about a banker who habitually asked the Holy Spirit how he should dress to work
… Let me not digress…
Now, you have seen this person in all sorts of visions and so on. For most of us, we just rush ahead to profess our love to the person and expect an automatic “yes” simply because you saw a vision.
It has to dawn on you that divine revelation does not guarantee human cooperation. Now God will grant you favour but He will not force anyone to do His wil
l. As long as another person’s will is involved, it’s not automatic.
READ ALSO: How To Get A Marriage Proposal From Christian Brother.
The fact that God says something doesn’t mean it will come to pass; people have to agree with him. Classic examples are the Israelites. God freed them from Egypt to inherit Canaan but they died in the wilderness. It was their children who later cooperated with God and entered in.
It is the same with the salvation message. So many people before us have disbelieved the Gospel but we have believed and have been saved because the preaching of the Gospel didn’t cease. Yet, God has never forced anyone to accept Jesus.
So, the fact that you saw all these powerful spiritual things only means one part of the question has been answered – “who”? Every relationship is beneficial but for time and place. Timing is critical.
Anyone here ever been in athletic competitions? The runners can practically see the finish line and there well marked out tracks but they still have to wait for the umpire to signal the commencement of the race.
If anyone starts before he gives the go ahead, it is declared a bad start and everything is reset and if you are responsible for a number of bad starts, you get disqualified. This is what happens with many of us.
We hear God as to who but we don’t wait to ask he when or even the how. We jump in and wonder why things don’t just flow. David gives us an example by how he approached his battles. He would ask God whether to engage the enemy, he would ask what approach to use, then he would ask when to move.
Our relationship with God is a rich communion and not just an occasional voice note that floats down from above requiring us to fill in the blanks with our imaginations. If there are blanks in your message, ask God to clarify, He won’t be offended.
James 1:5 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all [men] liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. That means, if you don’t know what to do, ask God. He will not humiliate you for not knowing. To Be Continue In third Part”